She is not our youngest child, but as the others grow she will become the baby, for always. We went in faith, not really knowing what any of this would mean. For example, we didn't quite grasp that bringing June into our family would mean that instead of developmental twins, we would now have developmental triplets. Here are my triplets- different ages, same hair color, same shoe size and similar developmentally... all about the age 3. (Insert emoticon with eyes bugging out. That's my favorite one.)
What this meant for us was that I potty trained two kids this year. We watched a lot of Bubble Guppies, Dora, Diego and Kai Lan. We put up a fence in the backyard so they wouldn't run away. There was much adjusting (read: screaming kids, poop accidents, crying kids, pee accidents, crying mom, coloring on walls and selves, screaming mom) to be done.
There were lots of firsts (first mudpuddle!) and 3 pairs of glasses. Moms of kids with DS from China, please contact me before you buy glasses.
There were two surgeries, three sleep studies, and countless doctor appts... for one kid. Then there were the other four. I gained 10 lbs (boo to stress eating) and lost them again (yay to Isagenix and Carol Elizabeth). I spent many a moment sitting in the corner of my kitchen counter hiding from the children and just catching my breath a bit. And eating Ben and Jerry's half baked fro-yo, thus the weight gain problem....
Despite all of this chaos, I can attest to the following:
People are kind and want to help. Some even fly to China to help you and carry around your new kid when you run out of strength. My parents and friends held down the fort while we were in China- no small task. We received so many delicious meals when we came home. God has brought some dear dear helpers into our lives (here's a shout out to Katrina and Wendy!) who have literally rocked my world by caring for the kids with no judgment, just love. Many precious friends have listened, so graciously, to my hard and varied emotions.
Children are resilient. The ways that June has transformed in the last year, through the total upheaval of her life, is nothing short of amazing. She takes each day as it comes and accepts us and loves us as her family without question. She has learned how to act like a little girl, rather than someone who lived in an asylum or frankly, like an animal. Her orphanage was one "of the good ones," but when she came home, she was so deeply disregulated so much of the time. Chaotic insane laughter, popping hips, grunting, no self control and just.... weird. She tries her darndest to use her words now and just carries herself so much more like the 8 year old she was meant to be.
We are resilient and God will grow us through difficulty. I'm not sure that I can describe what this looks like exactly. I know that I am actually cooking real food again on a regular basis, and exercising, and starting to write more, and painting sometimes. So, I know that somehow, even though it doesn't feel like it some days, I am resilient. And that even if it feels like we have a long way to go to reach our new normal, we are no longer in total crisis mode.
Scheduled breaks help you not burn out. Truly, I'm not sure where I would be if we didn't build in time to keep ourselves and our marriage healthy. For us, this looks like: a Y membership (free childcare!), biweekly date nights, yearly respite trip for Andrew and I, good nutrition, help with cleaning and making an escape from Minnesota winter for a few weeks. We have been able to do several of these things with the help of our CSG (Community Support Grant) that we have through the state due to June's disability. MN moms of kids with disabilities, feel free to contact me about this grant.
I will leave you with my favorite quote from lately, from an unexpected source, but totally applicable to this journey: Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. - Arnold Schwarzenegger
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