I'm sorry I have been MIA. Here's a quick update on what we have been doing and how you can help when we get home.
We have gone to Shamian Island. Here is my buddy Celeste, her pumpkin Ezri, June and I by the Pearl River. It's been overcast and rainy. Lots of rain at night and in the morning, and some during the day. Yaya doesn't like thunder so that's been waking her up at night.
I have lost all decision-making capacity at this point, so Dorothy has stepped in as Sherpa, food-decider, chief bargaining officer and Starbucks delivery lady. I told her today I am just so tired that I would have cried all week long if she wasn't here! For those of you who know her, you know that none of these roles is a stretch in any way. :)
First French fries thanks to auntie Dorothy.
Several people have encouraged me to share the REAL life version of the trip as opposed to just beautiful smiley pics. I am happy to be really really real about mothering and adoption as most people who know me in real life will attest. I simply haven't had the time or energy to blog since Andrew went home to be with the other kids and I traveled to Guangzhou. (I hated the Jinan airport by the time Friday was over.) I was doing great for the first 11 days of the trip and now I have crashed. I am tired and don't feel so great and as I mentioned above, I have lost the ability to make decisions. You try having to choose for yourself and a picky child you just met for every meal for weeks from zillions of choices while strangers sit around observing. I actually dread going to the breakfast bar every morning because it completely overwhelms me (though the majority of the food is delicious). Yaya, like many children, will eat things one day and spit them out the next. Consequently having to get food for her is a daunting task.
I would love to show you her stinker faces because she doesn't smile all the time, but the girl loves the camera and totally cheeses it up as I am sure you have noticed! She hasn't been parented, so naturally, having someone tell her no doesn't make her happy. Life at an orphanage is predictable and regimented so every day now she is having new experiences and needing boundaries set continually because her environment is constantly changing these days. I can tell its unsettling for her and I have not seen much of peaceful June since Thursday. Other people may think she is happy on first glance, but I know enough about her behaviors now to know she is not calm inside. So while we are not dealing with blatant resistance most of the time, thankfully, she definitely has her guard up and wants life on her own terms. Who can blame her, really? Which brings me to the topic of when she comes home.....
Because we are all experiencing a huge shift in our lives and it will be forever changed for all of us, we are going to need some time and space when we get home to move toward the new normal. We definitely need to know that people are there for us (and you guys have been SO ENCOURAGING on this journey. Like amazingly beautifully supportive and helpful) but we won't have the presence of mind to tell you what kind of help we need. So please please don't tell me to call you if I need anything. I won't remember and I won't call. I can't even decide what food to eat for breakfast right now, remember? We will need meals or gift certificates for take out (see Facebook group for link), we will need prayers, we will need people to come take our other kids for a play date so they can get a fun break from the crazy new normal, and we will need people to help us help June.
The best way you can help June when we get home is by helping her figure out that mom and dad are mom and dad. We ask that others please not feed her or accept hugs from her or pick her up because she will be figuring out healthy interaction with adults and that she shouldn't be seeking comfort from just any old person on the street. In China, any adult woman besides mom is often called Ayi (auntie) as a sign of respect. June only calls me Ayi about 50% of the time currently, which is a great improvement from day 1. But still, she would be helped if people could reinforce that I am this NEW kind of person in her life, called Mama. A great way to help her with this is to say things like, "your Mama will give you a hug" if she is reaching to be picked up or "your mama will give you food," if she seems interested in your food. I have done this for other adoptive moms and their kids, and it's not too hard once you are used to it. The more people we have reinforcing the idea of family for June, the better off she will be. Thanks so much for taking this to heart and for the many ways you have loved June and our family so well already.
Three more sleeps til we get to come home!
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